I like conservatives. I really do. My family is full of them. Policemen, Marines, devout Catholics. They like comic book movies, and sometimes read my comic books.

I get the occasional disgruntled letter from a person out there in cyberland who thinks I am too conservative because I support gay rights while at the same time I send care packages to lonely soldiers in Iraq. Oh, the cognitive disconnect.

Libertarians confuse people.

When I link to this site, let it be very clear that I don’t believe Debbie Schlussel represents all conservatives…just the ones who have complete meltdowns over graphic novels for grownups and the movies they spawn. In this case, Watchmen.

The comment thread is epic. Both the original post, her responses to the comments, and the comments themselves have more ad hominems per square inch than anyplace else on the internet, with the possible exception of Sarah Palin hate rants at The Huffington Post. Which I don’t like one bit more than some of the bizarre comments at this site.

From Ms. Schlussel’s review. She did not think Watchmen was a good movie:

If you take your kids to see “Watchmen,” you’re a moron.

If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being.

You are a bad, bad person for seeing it. Bad. Then again, Ms Schlussel saw it, too.


I don’t just worry that this is the new superhero movie being marketed to your kids today. I worry about the ones that will be even more depraved a decade from now.

G-d help this country (minus Hollywood).

Watchmen will make your kids grow up to be psycho killers, I guess.

She gives it a rating of four Karl Marx’s, plus. With little pictures of Karl Marx. Kinda reminds me of the old Comics Journal rating system of little old ladies. Except, you know, pictures of Karl Marx instead.

Whatever.

From the comments thread, some viewers were equally displeased with the film, though it is doubtful most of them saw it:

HOLLYWOOD HAS NEVER GOTTEN IT NOR WILL THEY EVER GET IT UNTIL THE BIG ONE STRIKES UNDERNEATH L-A DESTROYING THE MOVIE/TV STUDIO AND HOPEFULLY SENDING THE ACTORS TO THE DEATHS IN HELL!

Ms Schlussel’s responses to people who disagree with her assessment are in all caps as well:

HUH? I NEVER SAID I COLLECT COMIC BOOKS TO KNOW ABOUT “THE WATCHMEN.” I KNOW YOU READ THAT ON IMDB AND ARE REPEATING WHATEVER THE DUMMIES LIKE YOU ARE TELLING YOU THERE, BUT I NEVER SAID THAT. WOW, SO IF PEOPLE ARE REAL–AS IN REAL VIOLENT–AND THEY CHANGE HISTORICAL EVENTS DELIBERATELY, THEN THAT MAKES IT REAL COOL AND HIGHBROW. THANKS FOR THE TIP. AND THANKS FOR EDUCATING ME THAT RAPE AND GRISLY VIOLENCE IS HIGH CULTURE THAT I DON’T “GET.” GO TELL IT TO YOUR FRIENDS AT COMMUNITY COLLEGE FILM CLASS OR G.E.D. SCHOOL. IT MIGHT FLY THERE. FYI, MEIN KAMPF IS A VISION OF AN ALTERNATE WORLD. MAYBE WE SHOULD WORSHIP THAT, TOO, AIRHEAD. DS

YES, LIBERAL TIME MAGAZINE–THE ARBITER OF ALL TRUTH. JUST ASK ARIEL SHARON AND THE MILLIONS OF SUBSCRIBERS WHO NO LONGER SUBSCRIBE TO THAT PIECE OF CRAP. THE TRAILERS ON TV ARE NOT DARK AND DO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUPERHERO MOVIE, PERIOD. AND THEY ARE MARKETING TOYS TO KIDS, AND THEY’VE BEEN SHOWING PREVIEWS AT PG AND PG-13 MOVIES. YOU DON’T THINK KIDS SEE THESE. WAKE THE HECK UP. THIS BLIND WATCHMEN ILLNESS IS WORSE THAN I’VE ALREADY DIAGNOSED. DS

For a moment there, I honestly thought I was reading The Onion.

AH, YES–THE BACKGROUND EXCUSE. SO, IF THERE’S A “BACKGROUND” OF A “GRAPHIC NOVEL” THAT MAKES ALL OF THIS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT’S ABOUT AND THE BACKGROUND, AND THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY A THING. SO SAD FOR HITLER–HE COMMITTED SUICIDE WAY TOO SOON. IF HE’D ONLY HUNG ON TO THE YEAR 2009 AND THE “BACKGROUND” AND “GRAPHIC NOVEL” EXCUSE, THAT WOULD MAKE THINGS SO MUCH BETTER. I GOT THE “MESSAGE”–NOT SURE HOW IT JUSTIFIES A THING. SOME SAY HITLER HAD A “GREAT MESSAGE.” EVER READ MEIN KAMPF? I GUESS MAYBE A MESSAGE JUSTIFIES COOKING PEOPLE IN OVENS, TOO. BUT, HEY, HE FORGOT TO MAKE MEIN KAMPF INTO A GRAPHIC NOVEL. BIG MISTAKE.

OH, AND YES, LET’S MAKE THE WORLD EVEN MORE OF A DARK SCARY PLACE BY MAKING THESE KINDS OF MOVIES TO BE INHALED BY PEOPLE LIKE YOU. AWESOME. DS

Dissenting opinions pop up:

It’s great that you’re trying to take time out of your busy schedule of probably standing around glaring at people with differing opinions from you to warn parents of the evils that movies hold for their children, but the point is that this movie was never intended for kids. There are adults who collect figures, whether you agree with that or not, and the toys were marketed toward them as well as the movie. It’s been created based on a long standing graphic novel and is marketed and caters toward the fans. It makes no attempt to disguise itself as a kids’ movie, and the trailers themselves market political intrigue and violence, the former of which should direct kids away and the latter of which should get parents to direct their children away. Anybody who takes their kids to see this is guilty themselves of not caring, so you’d probably be better served fighting a battle that actually matters instead of using the empty power of the internet to cater to other armchair revolutionaries.

And score one for Team Whacko:

My god anyone who takes you seriously should be shot. You are why all other country hate the United States. May i ask a question in all seriousness, would you kill a Muslim? I think you would. How about a Buddhist? I really dont think your one sided view on the masterpiece that is Watchmen is really what makes me angry. Its your blatant, self absorbed ignorance. I would love to argue with you about any topic under the sun. It would be my honor to make you feel like the true fascias pig that you are.

Posted by: youarewetaded

I’d go out in my garden to work today to scrub out my brain, but I have one of those graphic novels to draw, and I had a late night.

The new book is called Gone to Amerikay and it is a multi-generational Irish saga. You can see a quick preview here.

I’m relatively certain it will not rot your brain or cause you to grow up and commit rape and murder, but then, I’m prejudiced. I like those icky graphic novel things.

I have yet to see the Watchmen film, because I am still too sick to go about and mingle in public, but I fully intend to see it. I read the graphic novel years ago. Didn’t turn into a rapist or murderer or anything, but I did grow up and draw comic books. But then, I was drawing comic books before Watchmen came out, so I guess I’m a lost cause.

After Watchmen, what next?