In my experience, there aren’t any.
Not to say every convention or online community is a weekend at Tailhook. But the pervasive harassment and abuse of women in geek culture is far worse than anything I’ve experienced outside of it. Your mileage may vary, of course.
I expect someone aged about 24 to pop up and comment that there’s never any abuse at shows because she’s never experienced any. Well, I’m glad you’ve never had a problem, but that doesn’t mean problems don’t exist.
Bullying is endemic in fandom, even though fans often claim they came to fandom to avoid the bullies.
Fandom doesn’t like to admit bullying is a problem, or sexual abuse at conventions is a problem, or fannish politics are a problem, or that is has any problems at all. While most fandoms are very cool, supportive, and full of fun, just like high school, some aspects of fandom aren’t so nice. And because the once-bullied-in-high-school sometimes feel pretty sensitive to their image (even thirty years after high school,) fandom has a tendency to cover up and equivocate, rather than address real problems.
After more than 20 years of abuse at the hands of a deranged stalker and his legion of enablers – including a bizarre online screed from a woman blogger who came out on the side of the poor, mentally ill stalker and his buddies (thanks for that, Stalker Enabler,) I know from long, unhappy personal experience how geek culture excuses and enables, and then blames the victim.
See the episode of Stalked, Someone’s Watching featuring an interview with me and my family here.
There’s nothing stranger than the enabling that comes from supposedly feminist women who are so anxious to be seen as understanding nurturers of the underdog – to not exclude – that they will do ontological back flips to accept almost any bad behavior…except when that behavior is directed at them, of course.
One seriously disturbed individual who has a small list of publishing credits, spent well over a decade on a personal campaign to get me to “clean up” my “act” (his words). These are excerpts of some of his letters to me. He sent far more disturbing letters over time, and expanded his crusade to sending letters to other pros, comic shops, distributors, a number of comics industry magazines, my editors, my lawyers, and my family in an effort to correct my behavior.
So today’s awesome, must-read essay is Resistance is Useful:
I have observed geek culture embracing all of those things, that I have been on the receiving end of them, that I have been an observer of them, again and again and again. Stalking, rape, the enabling of rape, rape apologism, sexual assault of various kinds, opportunistic harassment, predation, collusion to trivialise boundaries and consent issues, violation of consent, coercion, marginalisation and broadly, a deep, vile and insidious culture of loathing and sexual violence. This is not theory; this is what has happened and what continues to happen. It happens your cons, in your city, in your gaming groups, on your streets, on your internet, at your parties, in your forums, on your blogs and in your workplaces. And this is my big Fuck You to all of it.
The point of origin of a problem with a woman is not what she wears, or what she says, or draws, or plays, or reads. If you can’t control the way you behave toward a woman, the problem is you.
Those last two lines are perfect. Can I quote you if I ever need to use it?
Be my guest.
Can I get an “amen” on that one?
This reminds me of something said by a teacher while I was taking Human Resources in College. She was talking to a student who used the whole how a woman is dressed argument on sexual harassment. “Is it *illegal* to wear promiscuous clothes?” “No.” “Is it *illegal* to commit sexual assault?”
That ended the argument.
@ Jamie: My experience with the crazy stalker guy is that he was attracted to me precisely because he thought I was a pure, innocent little girl. Like “a little English schoolgirl”. So, was it wrong for me to look “clean”? Because my “clean” totally invited sexual harassment.
Every perv has his trigger. Some are attracted to sexy women, some are attracted to demure women. All men are responsible for their behavior. Clothes don’t make men do anything.
Women can’t live their lives adjusting their wardrobes and demeanor to contend with the psychosis of every stranger they meet.
I would have thought that in ths day, this type of harrassment would be strictly monitored and dealt with at conventions. I would say that if I am a convention and this happens, me and my ‘legion’ of friends are ready to assist or intervene!
It’s 2011 and crap like this is still happening. Kinda depressing.
Grrr.
You should be able to go about your business stark naked except for a propeller beanie, and not have to deal with anything more serious than someone wanting to buy your geeky hat.
I don’t care how hot you are or how you are dressed. There’s no basis for assuming a stranger or acquaintance looks or is dressed has anything to do with you. Nor, for that matter, for any assumption that how a date is dressed has any specific meaning.
I put this sort of behavior in the same bucket with homophobia. We’re all harmed by it, even when it is not directed at us. Every man is harmed, because every woman becomes more suspicious of every man.
Yet there’s a nudge-nudge-wink-wink culture of enablement among men. And I think the bullying around homophobia reinforces mens acceptance of this, lest we be found “queer”. I know there were many occasions in my youth when I should have stood up and say “that’s not right, stop”. But it’s not easy to challenge unless it’s extreme.
Still, there’s something seriously wrong with the man who goes beyond the raunchy comment to a friend, or even a rude comment to a passing woman, and actively stalks. Not just wrong — seriously wrong.
It’s interesting that there’s a strong gender asymmetry here. I won’t speculate on why that is, but I’ll note that there’s a matching asymmetry in empathy. The harrasser is completely lacking any empathy with how his actions will feel to his victim. (I was going to say “awareness” or “concern”, but I think generally, that’s not true. They’re actively seeking to victimize their victims).
But like all bullying, it thrives when people don’t speak out, and every time you don’t speak out, you validate it, in the mind of the bully.
Thank you for speaking out.
I don’t know that there really is a gender asymmetry – if you mean that women don’t stalk men. They do. Consider Letterman’s notorious stalker, she who had the delusion that she was married to him. I would imagine that someone like Neil Gaiman has his share of female stalkers. The asymmetry may be in the degree of “physical intrusion” is less with a female stalker.
Also, I don’t think guys who receive such talk about it much, and don’t get a sense of threatening intrusion (unless the stalker gets as delusional as Letterman’s).
We’re all aware that women stalk men too, and I’ve seen it. But I’m certain men are not as troubled by bullying and sexual harassment in geek culture as women are, and I’d bet money they are not the subject of sexual predation to the extent that women are. Which is the point.
I think some of the guys at conventions think that if a woman is there then he may have a better chance with her since she’s possibly into fandom as well. Nevermind that some of these guys don’t apparently think before they speak. It’s embarrassing and also if I or anyone else just wanted to come up to someone there to ask if they’re enjoying the convention or say “that’s a great costume, how long did it take you to make it?”, we’d get a similar look of derision due to the previous harassment by the fanboys.
I’m typically shy anyway (I have a bit of a speech impediment) and I also would not want to be perceived as one of those sort of chumps with arrested development. Maybe it was how I was raised but I never bought into the “boys will be boys” mentality – especially when some attendees are in their mid-30′s and older.
Some wonder why most comic conventions are predominantly male and yet can’t figure out that maybe some women don’t feel welcome or comfortable; especially when some guys are salivating over the booth babes. A few guys need to be reminded of the “look, but don’t touch” policy.
I will say this about it – it doesn’t matter if you’re fat, thin, young, old, beautiful or ugly, it Will happen to you in geek circles. Unless you go to cons where the fanbase is predominantly female or gay.
When I used to be able to afford to go to cons, I got into the habit of holding something up in front of my chest so the guys would talk to my face instead. Now I just verbally cut ‘em off at the balls, and me and other female fans on one of the boards I’m on swoop in to help other females when necessary. I can’t tell you how gratifying it is to see that the less clueless males have actually started trying to reform the clueless…and when that doesn’t work, they just step back and enjoy the show as we pounce en-masse *GRIN*.
Chris Clarke also reposted How Not to Be an Asshole here: http://faultline.org/site/item/how_not_to_be_an_asshole_a_guide_for_men/