Read the most disturbing thing today by a much older person on the comics scene, an anti-feminist of the sort who declares that women really need to get over being upset by things like harassment and just ignore it and it will go away. By golly, back in her day, we had to put up with much worse, and if we had to take it, you have to take it too!
And I realize where this comes from: a misguided anger at the men she could never get to treat her with respect. She had to develop a mask of respect by keeping her head down and being one of the boys. And so, she is imperious and Alpha Dog Female to the girls.
But I like to think that things like stalking and harassment should be addressed and dealt with whenever we can, and to the best of our individual ability. I know that everyone has their limits, and not everyone can deal with directly addressing this problem. You should definitely pick your battles. But you’ll never win the war unless you fight sometime. Always keeping your head down, sticking to “the work” as if it will go away if you ever get the guts to look up, is not only harmful to you, it’s nothing like respect, and it enables the cycle of emotional violence to continue.
I like to think younger generations of women will not have to grow up armored assholes to deal with assholes, tossing off a crusty “Get over it!” every time a young girl gets groped at a con, or gets a barrage of rape threats on twitter. I prefer a world where men and women stand up and say, “This is not acceptable,” to a world where men and women chastise others to develop crocodile hides as if ugly words and ugly actions bounce off it.
It doesn’t. It just makes you ugly, too.
You are absolutely right.
I’ve experienced this in the African American community as well. I imagine that many groups – ethnic, religious and social – have the “old folks” telling them to “just take it”.
I am very sorry to read that.
I’ve not had good experiences with this person in the past, and their comments are online. They are not particularly popular these days, and linking would be bullying.
But this is not an uncommon attitude, and I have heard it before from other people. There was a bit of screen shot sharing among me and some of my friends last night, disappointed, creeped out, but not entirely surprised. Sad to see misogyny from a woman who dines out in the Women in Comics Diner, but I find that a certain type of woman seems set on the idea that women must adopt “male energies” in order to succeed, and become “one of the boys”.
I disagree. I don’t think you should have to be anything other than what you are to enjoy common courtesy and the protection of the law.
In my former life I worked in a male-dominated field. Once in a while at work I would step into a room and hear men sitting around saying things that are wholly inappropriate, talking about their exploits, using sexual insults, the worst kind of profanity, etc. They would suddenly stop talking and say, “Sorry, ma’am, didn’t know you were here.” So they have enough respect not to do this in front of me…but that’s not good enough. That kind of talk should be socially inappropriate at any time. But how do we get to that point unless men are motivated to call each other out?
It’s unfortunate that someone still puts forward that “suck it up and endure it” attitude in this day and age. I myself have not had to deal with much blatant hostility, but I know it happens. But I certainly speak up when I hear anything trending that way, even when it is not aimed at me.
I know I have said things that are in poor taste but I’ve definitely grew beyond the teenage mindset. It galls me when someone (man or woman) tries to pass off an insult as “just a joke”; as if that justifies it and nulls any anger the recipient is feeling.
A guy I used to know almost had that as his catch-phrase, he kept saying it so much. A few guys had enough of him insulting their girlfriends so they would start making crude remarks about his sister (getting more and more explicit). Now this certainly was a deplorable thing to do but when the guy got angry everyone almost said in unison “What? It’s just a joke!”. Threw it back in his face. Never heard a remark made in public again by him.