So, almost every day I get letters from people asking me to expose some evil-doer, or tell the whole story about some whack job fan cult or whatever, like my word has magic power, and bad things will stop happening if I sprinkle the holy water of my blog on it.
Not only is there only so much I can do, but when it comes to fandom, some people really like drinking the Kool-Aid.
Sure it’s poison to you, me and every other rational person on the planet, but everyone else isn’t rational. For example, a friend of mine directed me to a bizarre online thread for “Supernatural” fandom which consisted of over 9000 comments, all about how the stars of the show were secretly gay and how horrible it was that they had fake marriages and were actually having children just to keep their love in the closet. There was much awesome crazy in that thing, reams of misogyny directed at the women in the actor’s lives, and it is a perfect example of how cultish some fandoms can be. It’s sad to think how much life energy – not to mention how many hours of electrical energy – went into something so ridiculous, disrespectful of the real people involved, and unproductive. (EDIT: No, I don’t care if you ship your favorite characters. Yes, anyone should care if you attack actors and their families for not living up to your fantasies.)
You are never going to be able to convince some people that not only is what they’re doing nuts, but it’s self destructive. And frankly, some people come from such bad places, any affirmation or familial group is going to seem like an improvement to them, no matter how abusive it is.
This setting is a communal living situation in Southern California when a bunch of working professionals in their late 20s realize they need to find a new roommate after losing one to marriage. After an apparently rigorous screening process (over 500 inquiries, 150 applications and 17 interviews – did I mention rent was $500 a month including utilities?) they ended up with “Sarah,” a 27-year-old programmer whose only real blips seemed to be a boyfriend (who was out of town) and a few legal name changes. Naturally, it wasn’t until after she started getting a little weird that they discovered she a) was actually the head of a cult that believes they are reincarnations of characters from Suikoden, b) funded her living expenses by extracting donations from said cult members, and c) had legally changed her name to match that of her “soulbonded” character. That’s a twist you won’t find on The Real World.
Sure they’re “spiritual”, but so were Jim Jones and L Ron Hubbard.
That publisher/convention is awful and weird, you say? Getting noticed by a Real Publisher, no matter how penny ante or unprofessional the outfit is, is as good as it is ever going to get for some people.
I can’t spend my life cleaning out other people’s oubliettes. I have to pick my battles. And I can’t always fight yours. We are not all reasonable people here, and I guarantee you, people who think they can bond with cartoon characters and take spiritual guidance from same, are not rational, no matter how much they try to conflate the experience with whatever they read by Joseph Campbell. I don’t have the energy to deal with that level of crazy.
If you’re stuck in one of these bizarre groups or fandoms, the best thing you can do for yourself is just walk away. Yes, they will trash the hell out of you. Yes, some of them are stalkerish and destructive. Once you are not Of the Body, you become a Bad Person. That’s hard. I know from personal experience.
Accept that in this imperfect world, you will never have a perfect reputation. Accept that you can’t right every ship. Accept that any attempt to clean up the mess will bring a shitstorm on you. The miscreant will move on to other targets. Other people in fandom will happily send other victims in that direction. No matter how crazy, how abusive, and how deeply dishonest the abusers are, they will deny, obfuscate, and abuse further, all while wearing the friendly mask of whatever book, or comic, or movie you like best.
Hell, they’ll even sign petitions and boycott conventions which have bad reputations, while concealing their own long and sordid history of treating underage girls at conventions like their personal harem.
If there are criminal matters involved, if you don’t go to the police, I can’t do it for you. I am not a party to the action, and have no standing in the matter. Fandom needs to clean up its own mess. And most of the time, fandom does not want to clean up its own mess. They’ll spend time preaching about abuses in the Catholic church, while treating a con committee like the Holy See. Fandom will turn on anyone, no matter how right you are, rather than make fandom look bad.
It’s only been in the last few years that this has started to change.
If you are a witness to a crime, or you are involved in something that is ugly and abusive, then you are the one who must take action. Either you go to the authorities for help, or you get out of that fan group as quickly as your little legs will carry you.
If you can’t make what is happening to others stop, you can stop it happening to you. There are a lot of fandoms out there which are friendly, supportive, and operating with one foot firmly planted in the real world. Find one. You are not alone in having a bad experience in fandom, you are not betraying anyone if a group is uncomfortable for you and you leave. You have the right to leave any situation, for any reason, at any time.
Other people have the right to pick and choose their friends, and so do you.
You deserve better friends.
Excellently said, Colleen. I’ve been involved in online fandom in one way or another for about 14 years now, and I’ve seen the “Jim Jones” side rear its ugly head all too often. Fortunately, I learned pretty quickly how to identify a toxic group and when to cut out. It’s like the saying goes: Be the change you want to see.
Been there, done that, collected the trading cards. The worst part is getting jaded about the thing you love because of the behavior of the uberfans. If they can’t sway you to their groupthink they will piss all over it to keep you from continuing to like it.
I had the unpleasant experience of being wrapped up in one of these things when I was a teenager. I thought I was going into a publishing situation, and what I got was some incredible weirdness which included channeling comic book characters via a pseudo-religion, and people who seem to think the height of sophistication is wife swapping at conventions while wearing a costume. Which may be your thing, but is not something I should ever be hearing about from my boss, and nothing I should have been exposed to as a kid. These people don’t take rejection well, and 25 years later, I still have to put up with shit from these whack jobs.
I thought I was very superior in walking away from it all, but what do you know? Years later, I attracted some fans of my own who had the same issues. In the early 1990′s, I began getting phone calls from a woman who thought she was channeling my characters. I didn’t know what the hell was going on when she started calling me up and speaking in voices. She seemed so normal when I met her (EDIT “Met” metaphorically, I mean. We exchanged letters and spoke on the phone. I’ve never seen her in person). She wanted to be a writer, and to make a long, bizarre story short, she told everyone I’d hired her to write novels based on my work. Which totally didn’t happen.
She did not take rejection well, either.
She spent many years trashing me to anyone who would listen, despite the fact that a few years back, she tried to subscribe to my comic book because she was still a fan.
She was put into a residential care center recently.
Her I actually felt sorry for. There was a nice person in there, somewhere.
Also, whatever they’re paying the cast of “Supernatural”, it is not enough to put up with that scary bullshit.
I know this stuff has been happening for years but it still blows my mind how people can just get crazy over this stuff. I’ve been out of the loop with a lot of fandom for a number of years with school but it just makes it all the more jarring when I peek my head up and look around to see stuff like this. Its like people forgot what good old fashioned etiquette is or that people have lives outside their acting/drawing/writing/artistic gig.
I got a bit of flack for this myself when I decided to take a break from art to focus on my Masters Degree. Folks never realized that part of that break still involves studying art for my degree. I may not be painting, but I’m doing a class called History of the book and it goes into great detail on how things were done, and the socioeconomic factors, ect.
Its troubling, luckily there are folks out there that are good people who understand the concept of balance.
How lovely to see you again, Marina. I am glad you are doing well in school!
Thanks! I’m in the final semester. I’m getting my resume worked on this month and then we shall see how it goes. I always like popping in here from time to time.
I started watching “Supernatural” a few years back and started to enjoy it – two brothers traveling together, fighting monsters in a cool car and cool rock soundtrack; some things a guy could get into.
However, outside of a few people I’ve discussed the show with, I would not consider myself part of that fandom. It is downright scary and a bit sick, in my opinion. I consider myself more so a “viewer” than a “fan”.
The vocal minority of fandom online (comic, fantasy, etc.) is comprised of contradictions. They hate almost everything Marvel and DC put out and say that more indie titles should be in stores but yet they don’t buy those indie titles (often download) and still buy the latest issue of “T&A Spandex Patrol” with holofoil variant. Likewise when it comes to creator rights, protecting the perps of heinous actions, etc.
I support what creators and works I can and enjoy talking with pros and fellow fans as well as collecting art (we all have our vices); but maybe it’s because I’m getting older but I really can’t fully immerse myself into the near 24/7 inanity that modern fandom has become. I’m more on the periphery.
I think the internet has made it easier for fandom to spin out of control. You simply didn’t have this 24/7 access back in the day. Now, you can immerse yourself completely, and easily, and that is not good for poeple.
You can also find a group of people who will approve and share your behavior, no matter how psychotic. Confirmation bias can be an awful thing.
Over the years, I’ve come up with two rules regarding fandoms: 1) if my gut says ‘run’ – run, and 2) don’t admit to any ‘crazy stuff’ publically. As a result of my spiritual studies and practice I look at some things quite differently, but most people don’t understand in the same way, so it’s best to not say anything except to friends.