A Distant Soil by Colleen Doran

Everyone is touring cons, and I’m staying home. Very glad I made this decision.

A month ago, I wrote that my auto-immune disorder treatment had taken a turn for the worse.

Then I saw a specialist, and am informed I am getting “the best possible treatment”. Yay! My very expensive medical insurance is finally paying off.

Being able to speak with a specialist was a great relief. My general practitioner, while very kind and helpful, simply isn’t as well versed in these matters. I felt confused and powerless, despite buying hundreds of dollars worth of books and spending countless hours reading about it.

Most of what was recommended on the net simply did not work for me, including the much lauded auto-immune protocol. After some months of what seemed like improvement, I actually got worse while on it. Another friend with the same disease had the same reaction, getting gradually worse over the course of a year despite the strict diet.

The only thing I’m sticking with: drastic reduction in my sugar intake. It did nothing for my Hashimoto’s Disease, but it makes me feel better on every level, so it’s staying. I already knew I had a sugar sensitivity issue before I knew about Hashi’s.

While most people who get treatment for Hashi’s are stabilized within a year, I have not been so lucky. At 18 months, I still have ups and downs which affect my energy, mood, productivity and ability to concentrate. I’d go a few weeks and feel fine, then crash again.

I did not expect to hear that this is, in part, due to the fact that – aside from this disease – I am very healthy. While most people’s system smoothly adapts to the endocrine medication as they rely on it to replace a dying organ, my system fights it and is very sensitive to change. Since there is no medication in the dosage I need, we have to compromise by alternating doses and days, and have have frequent tests to make sure it’s working properly. We were simply waiting too long between tests which allowed me to spiral up and down and get out of control.

At the moment, I not only feel absolutely fine, but after seeing my endocrine specialist yesterday, I went out and took a 3 mile hike. Just a few weeks ago, I was nervous, twitchy, unable to sleep more than 2 hours, and would get faint going up the stairs or getting out of a chair.

I feel 100% normal now. Six months ago I thought I’d gotten as far as I would get. Maybe 80-90% of my old normal. Weeks after spiraling down again, I feel even better, as if I were never sick in the first place. I feel absolutely no impairment at all. In fact, I feel like I’d forgotten what normal felt like, and I feel so good right now, I can’t believe I used to feel like this every day!

I decided to take more steps to prioritize my art. I have let my little farm operation go. I mowed down my veggie beds. I do not have the time to devote to them, and they are getting out of control. Art must come first.

I’d already announced no US appearances for the rest of the year. While I feel great now, there’s always the chance I may go on another roller coaster, and I don’t want the added stress of travel adding to my deadline woes.

I quit two jobs. If I can’t do a good job, I don’t do it, and since I don’t have the time, I can’t do a good job. Fortunately, I hadn’t started either of them and there is plenty of time to find a replacement for me.

I feel clear-headed, focused, and energetic.

And I feel like I have a lot of time to make up. So, that time is going toward my art.